Neglect and abandonment is present in any relationship where one or more of the individuals in the relationship is abusive. Abandonment is physically or emotionally "leaving" the child. Neglect refers to the lack of either emotional or physical maintenance that a child requires in order to grow and develop.
The absence of food, clothing, shelter, and medical care are examples of physical neglect or abandonment. The absence of nurturing, compassion, hugging, holding, listening, and other kinds of emotional support, are examples of emotional neglect or abandonment.
Emotional neglect is hard to spot. It might look like the child is clean, well dressed, well fed and otherwise looked after. The childs caretaker(s) may appear to be home all the time and apparently taking care of the child's needs. But emotional neglect or abandonment can't be seen without spending time observing the relationship.
This neglect also happens when a child is continuously lectured to, meaning talking to the child without asking them for their opinion or listening to them in return. It's a one sided conversation where the child is used by the adult as an object to vent at, to expel internal feelings or thoughts. The child's identity or emotional self isn't acknowledged or validated in a conversation that uses lecture form.
Excessively talking, interrupting, and competing for conversation are also a types of emotional neglect or abandonment. A child never really gets heard in these kinds of interaction because the talker is thinking about what to say next instead of listening. They are preoccupied with themselves and controlling the conversation instead of listening to what's being said by the child.
Silence is another way to emotionally neglect or abandon a child. In MY opinion, this one is the worst. By not sharing anything intimate or vulnerable with the child, or not sharing information that the child needs to grow and develop, the child is emotionally and intellectually alone without a means to get the information they need to grow and develop. Silence is another way of controlling. Information is power and when an abuser holds onto information, the child is left feeling vulnerable. The child will never know a sense of comfort by knowing that the caretaker has also felt vulnerable at times or has felt vulnerable as a child. I think this makes it hard for a child to allow themselves a vulnerability. Even as an abuser, this person is an adult who the child may feel they should grow up to be like. If it's bad for an adult to be vulnerable, it must be bad for a child to be vulnerable too, right?
These children learn how to become easy to use by becoming invisible; they become compliant and without needs, and they fear the consequences and the unknown state of being apparent, real, noticeable, with boundaries, and having needs.
