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Relationship Quiz: Am I Being Abused?



Dangerous RelationshipsDangerous Relationships

How to recognize the dangerous turning points in a relationship and safely diffuse tension between partners, lovers, and friends.

Possessiveness, insensitivity, and a sudden personality change are all warning signs of a potential abuser. Dangerous Relationships will help readers recognize a potentially violent personality before it's too late. Interweaving real-life stories of four couples, Dr. Noelle Nelson highlights dangerous turning points in relationships and explains how readers can safely diffuse tension between their spouses, lovers, or roommate and protect themselves from abuse. Kindle edition available.



Instructions:

Enter the number of points next to each question depending on the severity of each item:

Never: 0 points
Rarely: 1 point
Sometimes: 2 points
Frequently: 3 points

__ My partner teases me in a hurtful way in private or in public

__ My partner calls me names such as "stupid" or "bitch"

__ My partner acts jealous of my friends, family, or co-workers

__ My partner gets angry about clothes I wear or how I style my hair

__ My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to

__ My partner insists on knowing who I talk to on the phone

__ My partner blames me for their problems or bad mood

__ My partner gets angry easily, leaving me walking on eggshells

__ My partner throws or destroys things when angry

__ My partner hits walls, drives dangerously or does other things to scare me

__ My partner drinks excessively or uses drugs

__ My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do

__ My partner accuses me of being interested in someone else

__ My partner reads my mail, goes thru my personal space/items (ie. purse)

__ My partner keeps me from getting a job or finds ways to cause problems at my job

__ My partner keeps money from me, keeps me in debt, or has "money secrets"

__ My partner sold my car, made me give up my license, or won't repair my car

__ My partner has threatened to hurt me

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my children

__ My partner has actually hurt my children

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my pets

__ My partner has actually hurt my pets

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my friends or family

__ My partner has hurt a friend or family member

__ My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave

__ My partner has struck me with hands or feet - slapped, punched, kicked

__ My partner has struck me with an object or threatened me with a weapon

__ My partner has given me visible injuries - bruises, welts, cuts

__ I have had to administer first aid to myself due to injuries from my partner

__ My injuries have been serious enough to seek treatment - doctor, hospital, clinic, paramedic

__ My partner forces me to have sex when I don't want to

__ My partner forces me to have sex in ways that I don't want to

__ My partner has been in trouble with the police

__ My partner acts one way in front of others, and another way when we are alone

__ My partner is secretive or lies about past relationships

__ I feel isolated and alone and have no one I can really talk to

__ I have lost friends because of my partner/partner's actions

__ I no longer see some of my family because of my partner

__ I have thought about calling the police because of an incident of violence

__ I have actually called the police on one or more occasions

__ I am afraid to call the police because of threats from my partner

_____ TOTAL POINTS




0-17: Generally Non-abusive

These are likely to be the sorts of strains that are not unusual in relationships. Do NOT, however, make the mistake of brushing off any incident of violence or threat of violence, no matter how isolated!

18-58: Moderately Abusive

This is a home experiencing some violence at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where violence is just beginning. In a new relationship there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms and may occur more frequently.

59-95: Seriously Abusive

Scores in this range indicate a seriously abusive relationship that can, under outside pressure, or with the sudden strain of a family emergency, move into the dangerously severe range. Serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. Please consider getting help, even leaving.

96 and up: Dangerously Abusive

If you scored in the top range, you need to consider even more seriously the option of leaving, at least temporarily, while you consider your next move. The violence will not take care of itself or miraculously disappear. Over time the chances are very good that your life and/or the lives of your children will be in danger.

How to Spot a Dangerous Man WorkbookHow to Spot a Dangerous Man (Workbook)

According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, in the U.S. the risk of being victimized by an intimate is 10 times greater for a woman than it is for a man. For every Scott Peterson or O.J. Simpson grabbing the headlines, there are hundreds of men who harm women more subtly, with wounds invisible to the eye. To make matters worse, vital information on the many different kinds of dangerous men has been available only to people who study and treat them, such as criminology and mental health professionals ¯ but not to women in the dating pool.

That situation is about to change. Therapist and student of psychopathology Sandra L. Brown, M.A., has written an important new book that teaches women how to protect themselves from unsafe men. Brown believes that a woman’s ability to make wise dating choices depends on the information she has access to. She notes, "What has been lacking in the literature on relationships and domestic violence is a clear explanation of psychopathology and the forms it takes. Not surprisingly, many women find it liberating to finally access this information." Kindle edition available.

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Last Updated: March 4, 2011