Domestic Violence: Prevent, Assist, Get Involved

Help a Friend or Family Member in Crisis

• Reach out and help them.
  
  
• Believe them and keep whatever you're told confidential.
  
  
• Don't blame them. The abused person is NOT responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused.
  
  
• Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker. Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and space.
  
  
• Provide opportunities for them to talk about what's happening. Ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.
  
  
• Validate feelings. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped.
  
  
• Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and that your loved one may go back several times before leaving for good. Remember too that leaving is the most dangerous time as the overwhelming majority of domestic violence murders occur when a victim is trying to leave. Your friend has the most information about the abuser, and THEY are the best judge of when and how to best make the best break in the safest way. Remember that your friend's solutions may not be the same as yours.
  
  
• Help them plan how to stay safe when the violence happens.
  
  
• Avoid badmouthing the abuser or pressuring the victim. This can backfire! Victims may pull away and alienate themselves from those who are trying to help. Instead, help the victim to build confidence in themselves.

Educate yourself about available resources:

Check this site under RESOURCES BY STATE. Some programs will have websites, others will have phone numbers. Find your local domestic violence programs and visit their websites or contact them to learn what programs and services they can offer. You may be surprised by how comprehensive their services can be. The more you know, the better you will be able to provide answers or referrals to victims you might come into contact with.

Check the websites of your local law enforcement agencies. They too often have on-staff advocates who can help to understand the processes in your area, the statues and laws in your state and how they can assist victims.

Discover ways to improve or support efforts on behalf of victims

Ask what role you can play in making changes locally. You might serve on a Citizen Review Board with your local law enforcement agency, volunteer with your local domestic violence program, or even serve on various committees or on the Board of Directors. Domestic violence programs and shelters have LOTS of ways that you can help - volunteer your skills. Most are in need of computer skills, planning, carpentry, cooking, painting, auto repair, desk top publishing, printing and a wide variety of skills such as yours.

Contrary to popular belief, domestic violence programs, shelters, and websites like this one don't operate as government-funded agencies; instead we are non-profit organizations dependent on financial support from donors within the communities that we serve. Without community support, grant funding dries up, services get cut, and community outreach suffers. Before a loved one suddenly finds themselves in need, YOU can help ensure that services will be there when needed. It's easy - and it's URGENT - just use your checkbook.

In addition to plain old financial support (we know it isn't warm and fuzzy to write a check - but honestly, it helps the MOST), please consider helping your local program by meeting these common needs:

• Baby supplies such as diapers, baby wipes, lotion, strollers, car seats, and cribs
  
  
• Office Supplies like copy paper, pens, legal pads, sticky notes, and filing cabinets
  
  
• Personal items for victims in shelters like hair care products, disposeable razors, shampoo, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, towels and washcloths, and feminine hygene products
  
  
• Food items like coffee, sugar, canned juices, and canned foods
  
  
• Paper Products like garbage bags, paper plates, aluminum foil, Ziplock bags, paper towels, and toilet paper
  
  
• Cleaning products like Lysol, bleach, laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, sponges and mops
  
  
• Medical supplies like ice packs, over the counter pain products and cold medicines, first aid supplies, and OraJel for infants
  
  
• Bedding supplies like sheets, blankets, pillows, pillowcases, and electric blankets

Don't forget that YOU get to vote for your mayor, city council, county commissioners, governor and congressional representatives and senators. Encourage your city, county, state and federal officials to fund programs for domestic violence victims. YOUR voice makes a difference.

Spread the word: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS NOT OK

• Invite a local victim advocacy agency to speak at your place of work or organization you are active in.
  
  
• Make clear to children around you that sexual coercion is not acceptable, nor is violence towards women a way for boys to "show they are men".
  
  
• Remember that domestic violence is a crime, usually composed of assault and battery. If you witness abuse, call 911 and stay on the scene. You may be a vital witness.
  
  

More Ways to Help

Religious Leaders

Speak out against domestic violence in your house of worship. Carefully examine the messages you send to those experiencing abuse, about relationships, and responsibilities in marital partnerships. Bring in speakers from your local domestic violence program for services. Try a donation drive for funds or needed items for your local programs.

Business Leaders

Examine your workplace attitudes about sexual harassment and domestic violence. Digest the fact that homicide is the leading cause of death to women in the workplace. Then, understand how domestic violence impacts YOUR business:

• By ignoring the direct and indirect effects of domestic violence on employees, business owners lose between $3 and $5 billion annually for medical costs alone. In addition, employers forfeit another $100 million in lost wages and lost work associated with domestic violence in the workplace. Domestic violence does impact your bottom line!
  
  
• Battered workers usually will not approach their employer for help. Research on battered women demonstrates the primary reason the victim does not disclose abuse at home is fear of job loss or retribution. Remember, their job may represent their only independence from the batterer.
  
  
• Current jury awards to victims, co-workers and their estates have ranged from $25,000 to several million dollars, paid by employers who failed to properly and adequately address domestic violence in the workplace.
  
  
• Contact your local domestic violence program or the American Institute on Domestic Violence for training for employees, supervisors, human resource officers and security staff.

Coaches, Boy Scout Leaders and Educators

Take disciplinary action when you receive information that a student has been abusive toward women. Make violence against girls and women as unacceptable as using illegal drugs. Talk frankly about what it means to "be a man", and how this includes treatment of girls and women. Teach that masculinity is not equated with put downs or abusive behavior. Implement family violence prevention curriculum into your program.

Fraternal and business organizations

Examine how much of your philanthropy is directed at ending relationship violence. Contribute to programs in your community. Educate your members about these issues.

Criminal Justice professionals

Examine your policies and procedures regarding domestic violence (see the Law Enforcement Program Assistance area for samples). Are perpetrators arrested, charged and convicted? Is any failure being blamed on inaction of the victim? How often does your department provide specific training on domestic violence?

Media and Advertisers

Examine message you send about domestic violence - even unintentional messages. Do you convey myths about the causes of these crimes? Do you blame the violence on things like stress, drug use, or alcoholism instead of on the abuser? Examine the images about victims, perpetrators, and battering relationships that you create or transmit. Decide NOT to objectify women. (Have you seen the recent Subway commercial that shows a woman destroying her husbands baseball memorabelia because she thought he cheated on his diet? It's disturbing that this is used as an excuse for her behavior - and even MORE disturbing that the ad conveys the message that this behavior would have been acceptable if he really had cheated!)