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DANGER! Separation Violence

Dangerous RelationshipsDangerous Relationships

How to recognize the dangerous turning points in a relationship and safely diffuse tension between partners, lovers, and friends.

Possessiveness, insensitivity, and a sudden personality change are all warning signs of a potential abuser. Dangerous Relationships will help readers recognize a potentially violent personality before it's too late. Interweaving real-life stories of four couples, Dr. Noelle Nelson highlights dangerous turning points in relationships and explains how readers can safely diffuse tension between their spouses, lovers, or roommate and protect themselves from abuse.

Kindle edition available.

Many, perhaps most, people believe that domestic violence victims will be safe if they could just leave an abuser. They also believe that victims are free to leave abusers at any time, and will naturaly do so once the level of violence becomes "enough" to force that change. However, leaving does not usually put an end to the violence. Instead, it actually INCREASES existing dynamics of violence and can INITIATE new levels of violence and new forms of retaliation from the abuser to the victim; trying to force them to stay with threats of GREATER violence, legal retaliation ("I'll get the kids in court"), up to and including lashing out with physical violence against third parties, such as the children themselves, pets, etc. In fact, many abusers believe that the victim "belongs" to them, and that as such, they are fully justified in doing whatever it takes to make sure that "their property" remains theirs. (Saudners & Browne, 1990; Dutton, 1988; Bernard el at, 1982)

Battered women seek medical attention for injuries sustained as a consequence of domestic violence significantly more often AFTER separation than while still living with the abuser; about 75% of the visits to emergency rooms by battered women occur after separation (Stark and Flitcraft, 1988).

About 75% of the calls to law enforcement for intervention and assistance in domestic violence occur after separation from batterers. One study revealed that half of the homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men after separation from batterers (Barbara Hart, Remarks to the Task Force on Child Abuse and Neglect, April 1992)

Because leaving may be dangerous--dangerous from the point that the batterer learns that the relationship may end --does not mean that the victim should say. Cohabiting with the batterer is highly dangerous both as violence usually increases in frequency and severity over time and as a batterer may engage in preemptive strikes, fearing abandonment or anticipating separation even before the victim reaches such a decision. Although leaving may pose additional hazards, at least in the short run, the research data demonstrates that ultimately victims can best achieve safety and freedom apart from the batterer.

Leaving will require strategic planning and legal intervention to avert separation violence and to safeguard victims and their children. Work on your safety plan!

Dangerous Dating : Helping Young Women Say No to Abusive RelationshipsDangerous Dating : Helping Young Women Say No to Abusive Relationships

Domestic violence is the second leading killer of women fifteen to forty-four in the U.S.

Patricia Gaddis alerts readers to the prevalence of violence and describes the danger signs to watch for dating relationships. She explains how parents can best respond to threats or violence against a daughter.

Kindle edition available.

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Last Updated: March 4, 2011